Thursday, June 23, 2005

How I live.

I love the clarity which is days in length.

I'm feeling so much better knowing I have a paycheck coming. Sure, it's not what I made 'in the old days,' but it will sustain me, and the work will be work as it should be. Work is a necessity and sometimes, rarely, a fufillment. I'm okay with it just paying my bills, now. I'm not sure what happened, but something clicked and I realized who the fuck cares what I do "for a living." My job will not be my "living." Ask me how I live.

In fact, I now...just now decided I despise the question, "What do you do for a living?" "Same as you fuckwad, get by, squeeze out some substance juice, make a connection, hope to enjoy a good cigarette in the middle of a perfect gloaming when all is still and bugs hover over my plants and birds sing...you know, shit like that. Cream of the crop life moments...the ones we forget but hold us captivated for a minute, a cathartic 'now I get it' moment."

I'm appreciating the knowing of secretly good people, you know the kind you have to absorb for awhile before you see their goodness...I like complicated goodness...in fact, it's all I really trust. In your face good...well that's just bad, now isn't it. Annoying in fact.

Now, that I don't have to worry about money coming in I can concentrate on not worrying. Especially the elusive worry who seems to have no root. That little bugger is gonna be flushed and out faced, like the wrinkled shirt thrown over a chair who pretends to be someone scary in the dark when you were a kid....but after the light is flipped on. I'm about turning on lights these days

I'm sleepy...can you guess? I should sleep. That's what you do when you're tired, right?

G'night.