God's Birthday.

I don't blog much.


Sometimes I think I 'live' as much. Well...if you read this you would think so. Just short sentences between vast bookends of silence. Nothing. ness. Suppose that might be true. Could be for most of us, really.

Had a doozy of a panic attack recently. Real death's finger kinda moment. It's scary the illusion of not being in control. Or realization that the control was really the illusion. Those are the thoughts that do ya in. You know?

Had a pleasant holiday with the "in-laws." Sum up as follows:

Very Northern Minnesota. Practically Canada. Lots of snow. Quiet. Lefse all day, Fondu at night. Comfortable, despite the heavy amounts of evangelical-free molecules bouncing about the fireplace warmed home. I hurt my back...I'm doomed to be one of the few people who will suffer a "back-outage" from a soupish soak in a hot tub. So yeah. We played games, watched a western, skirted political and religious topics...and mostly had a nice time. 10 hour drive home on Christmas day, slick as snot as they say. My dog Brody caused us to go into a ditch going about 55. I didn't take him for a Kamikaze. The rest of the drive after the "accident" was mostly white out and speeds of 35. On the interstate. 35.

All in all a much better visit than I expected.

The rest of my life has been textbook. Not sure which one, though.

My mom left me a message my Grandfather's vertebrae collapsed. On Wednesday they will ambulance him (yes it is now a verb) to a hospital in another town so they can "balloon up" (my mom also invents verbs) his vertebrae and inject cement. Or something. I'm a bit conflicted...

Mostly he won't survive long after. He has prostate cancer, and barely functioning kidneys. His legs fill with fluid, the swollen skin pulls tight and shines...water soaks his socks. His skin on his arms like bruised tissue paper, torn and bloody.

I still wonder if his death will be a closure, mostly aware of the trap in this thought. But still hopeful.

Anyway. This isn't really the direction I wanted to go. I actually had a video I pieced together of my nieces I wanted to post. That was it really. And there I went. Crazytown Village.

Here's the video. From clips recorded during Christmas with my family. Christmas. It's a state of mind.

PS: Sorry I haven't written back Auld, er Ang, thanks for the New Year's wishes. I've been checking in with you. Standing quietly off to the side. I do that sometimes. Hope you are well.