Mayor of Simple Town 05.28.03

Haven't been logging much in here. Have sort of forgot the point. I think at first I thought this would be a nice creative outlet. I believed I had some good stories in me...thought I could share a bit of my experience of being. But, lately I have been thinking that my diary has been sort of ego driven.

I don't know what to think, anymore. I have been through some crazy shit in my life, and I am still here, somewhat enjoying everyday. I had thought maybe I did something right, and I should share my experiences. Sort it out, on an online forum.

Feeling mortality drives us to want to be known. Some have families...the ability to live on through children and grandchildren. The reality of this is becoming more and more unlikely as each year passes. So, I turn to art in hopes some scrap of my message will live on if my DNA won't. What is it that wants to live on?

I am the end of the years of evolution that led up to me. My DNA ends here. I am a dead end host.

Without my 15 minutes of fame I will be a shadow that passed over the earth. This is what America enculcated within me. Be somebody or be forgotten.

So, I now find life in the simple things. I live for the time I work in my yard, pulling weeds and planting perinnials that will pull themselves from their slumber in Summer to bloom again. Maybe, in this I will buy myself some time. Maybe someone one day will see the honeysuckle I planted and be thankful it is there.

Why do we fear non-existence? When I say we, I mean I.

I am tired.

I feel as if I missed the turn.

Peace.

The cynic finds me a simpleton.